Free Forms winner page 2000

-Comedy scene-Winners January 2000

Text with scene:
Thirty-five light years from Earth, two alien radio astronomers discuss the images they are receiving from this newly discovered advanced civilization.

First Prize-

From: The Joseph family - twobytwo(at)ripco.com

A. The world is constructed for the bipeds, but the quadruped is the one in charge.
B. Curious.

Second Prize-
From: Biggles99(at)aol.com

A. Come look at the thangus.
B. What is it Slazius?
A. It's these earthlings who speak in the Russian language their leader appears to be intoxicated.
B. I'd say "absolutely" intoxicated by the looks of that bottle.
A. And oh my god look at this the American leader seems to be very revered.
B. I'd say, look at that woman kneeling in front of him.
A. I still don't understand this glowing box all these human children are huddled around.
B. It looks like just the Americans.
A. Yes, yes, it seems as though a lot of the other ones are busy sewing some swoosh type symbol onto clothing and balls.
B. Yes yes, well that's all for this viewing goodnite.
A. Yes goodnite.

Third Prize-
From: Mr. Southgate - figrin(at)earthlink.net

A. I've never seen anything like it!!!!!
B. Sure you have. It's a rerun. This is the one where he kicks Wilbur!

Honorable mention-
From: Richard Hoofnel - hoofp819(at)webtv.net

A. We've searched for over 125 years and we have received what appears to be some sort of message from the only other known planet containing intelligent life in the universe. What is it ?
B. Looks like a cry for help to me.

Honorable mention-
From: Mark Hauger - mark_hauger(at)hotmail.com

A. What do you think?
B. I give it two episodes and it's cancel city!

Honorable mention-
From: Gene Poore - winpoo(at)onslowonline.net

A. Are you taping THAT?
B. Would you rather I tape 3rd Rock?


-Comedy scene-Winners February 2000

First Prize-
From: A. M. Smith - clenden(at)pathcom.com

A. Nice try, Stanley, but it's quick-drying paint. Now put on your boots and you're taking me line dancing.

Second Prize-
From: Mukes, Vernon E. - Vernon.E.Mukes(at)usa.conoco.com

B. Well dear, looks like I forgot my thinking cap on this one.
A. Nonsense, I'll just go get the original color and you can paint your way back out of there.

Third Prize-
From: Gary Cheski - garyc_(at)hotmail.com

A. Just what was the name of that home improvement program that you watched?
B. I don't know, but aside from giving you a mouthful of bristles, how can I go wrong by following exactly what Moe and Curly did?

Honorable mention-
From: xf - b.fager(at)worldnet.att.net

A. How long have you been a painter!?
B. Long enough to figure out how to get overtime.

Honorable mention-
From: Gene Poore - winpoo(at)onslowonline.net

A. You missed some spots.
B. I'll get them when I paint my way back with the second coat.

Honorable mention-
From: DON.ESPOSITO(at)chase.com

A. Oh dear! And the meatloaf is almost done!
B. What a shame, and this paint takes three days to dry! Oh well just throw me a can of beer, I'll see you on Tuesday!


-Comedy scene-Winners March 2000

Text with scene:
What if Internet had been invented in the 1950's

First Prize-
From: Mike & Mindy - mwmz(at)erols.com

A. Honey, I replaced the spent plutonium fuel rods with fresh weapons grade Uranium 238.
B. Well, whatever you did, it seems to be working. It's finally downloading Leave It To Beaver .com

Second Prize-
From: Steve Cherry - scherry(at)Cayenta.com

A. Golly! - Is that the new Mickey Mouse Club site? - That was fast!
B. You bet Molly!!! - this new RCA tube processor is fab! - 5 bits per minute!!!

Third Prize-
From: Jerry Pearson - jerryp2(at)home.com

A. I think you should start paying more attention to little Timmy.
B. Why is he peeing in my disc drawer again?

Honorable mention-
From: Chantry Brinlee - CBrinlee(at)abc-bus.com

A. O, Beaver...What are you doing with silly machine now?
B. Well gees mom, Dennis just IM'ed me telling about what he did to Mr. Wilson's roses. I tell ya, that guys is wacky.

Honorable mention-
From: Emilio Jaque - ejaque(at)hotmail.com

A. What are you looking for honey?
B. Hmm, an erotic site sweetheart, but they seem to be banned. What do we gain with this technology if we don't have the mentality?.... I guess we'll have to wait 40 years for that.

Honorable mention-
From: Doug Latimer - unlikelysource(at)webtv.net

A. Honey, I don't know how we ever got along without this miracle of modern technology.
B. It IS amazing, isn't it, dear? Just think -- by the time we return from our trip to the Grand Canyon, the site I'm typing the URL in for now will be fully uploaded.


-Comedy scene-Winners April 2000

Text with scene:
Non solicited criticism.

First prize-
From: John P. Law - diabolik5(at)hotmail.com

A. Are you saying this piece is not gallery quality?
B. It's not yet, but it could be- how do you feel about using elephant dung?

Second prize-
From: Scott Jones - scottzilla(at)home.com

B. That's fantastic! What do you call it?
A. Cleaning my brushes.

Third prize-
From: Amber Hamilton - arhamilton(at)hotmail.com

A. So, Henry, you brought your family to France to experience the arts; what do you think of this masterpiece?
B. You mean YOU painted that Pierre?! Oh, I'm so relieved. I thought my five year old had gotten into your paints again!

Honorable mention-
From: T.R. Fuller - rfuller(at)gateway.net

B. I'm sorry to interrupt again, but the temperature in that region has dropped into the 60 - 70 degree range.
A. Tell the anchor that if he wants an accurate weather forecast, the temperatures must stay still!

Honorable mention-
From: Waltman - waltman(at)yellowbananas.com

B. How wonderful! Art therapy that recreates your 60's acid trips.
A. It's for my anger management. But I think I'd feel better about myself if I'd just add some color to your face.

Honorable mention-
From: Harvey H. Shapiro - harshap(at)gate.net

A. What do think I should ask for this painting?
B. Forgiveness!


-Comedy scene-Winners May 2000

First prize-
From: Charley Brindley - ariion22(at)shortstorycontest.com

A. Hagar, you remember back in the Mediterranean, when you said, "Mable, let's move to Lake Trash-a-tika?"
B. No, Table. Vot I taid buz, "Vot route we take to Costa Rica?"

Second prize-
From: FEIUJ2 - cabbyzow(at)hotmail.com

A. This pool was fresh in the fall.
B. That was when the Raider fans were at the stadium.

Third prize-
From: Bill Powell - bpowell(at)tntc.com

A. I'm thinking of spawning. Care to join me?
B. What, and give up all this?

Honorable mention-
From: Lorraine James - "bjames1"(at)bellsouth.net(at)mail.mia.bellsouth.net

A. Would you look at that!
B. Yeah, now we have to worry about Athlete's Fin on top of everything else.

Honorable mention-
From: Luke Stryker - lukestryker(at)hotmail.com

A. So, what do you think of this blending of pro bass fishing and NASCAR-like sponsoring?
B. Well, they really should relocate the pit area.

Honorable mention-
From: Daniel Kirk - dotburger(at)email.msn.com

A. Thank goodness all these vile pollutants are strong enough to neutralize that mans pungent foot odor.
B. Say, I think that's Jimmy Hoffa.


-Comedy scene-Winners June 2000

Text on building:
Channel 6 Weather Center.

First prize-
From: Rusty5278(at)cs.com

B. I can't believe it, look at the sky!
A. I know, one of my weather predictions came true.

 

Second prize-
From: Danny Cox - Rusty5278(at)cs.com

B. This is what happens when things inbreed.
A. How was I supposed to know that El Niñe and La Niña were related?

Third prize-
From: HHa9757839(at)aol.com

B. Good job doing the weather today, Jack!
A. I just peed on the barometer.

Honorable mention-
From: Yinka Orafiidya - YOrafid(at)MCCUS.JNJ.com

A. Aren't you glad to finally be starting your vacation?
B. Yeah, but I can't believe it's going to coincide with this Apocalypse thing!

Honorable mention-
From: Robbie Bossert - Pix1bc(at)aol.com

A. Well Bob, It looks like we got a 50/50 shot at callin' this one.
B. I've heard that before!

Honorable mention-
From: Bill Sawyer - billsawyer(at)uswest.net

A. They said I'm crazy, then fired me, after ten years of doing the weather!
B. When it rains, it pours.


-Comedy scene-Winners July 2000

First prize-
From: Michael E. Deffet - mdeffet(at)prodigy.net

A. "ACTION!"
B. "If he does that one more time, I'm going to outline all of the animated characters in black, and make them walk funny!"

Second prize-
From: Mike Rawson - GaGaGaggle(at)aol.com

A. I thought you said that this new technology included voice recognition?.... It will not take the simplest of instructions!
B. It does understand, but it recognizes that you are shouting....and it does not like that.... but of course if you were to apologize to it....!

Third prize-
From: b.fager(at)worldnet.att.net

A. Cut! Drag! Paste! Now drag the color icon with steaming passion!
B. I should of become an actor.

Honorable mention-
From: Tim Murphy - tmjc1(at)email.msn.com

A. If I wanted someone to watch t.v. all day, I would have hired one of my kids. Now, start editing those scenes that I gave you!

Honorable mention-
From: Scott Jones - scottzilla(at)home.com

A. I need the star to be more realistic!
B. What's not realistic about talking chickens?

Honorable mention-
From: Jonathan L. - j_l_3(at)hotmail.com

A. Lights, camera, action!
B. Foreground lighting, background lighting, color correction, tracking, rotoscoping, digital warping, action. Or is it digital warping, rotoscoping, tracking, color correction, background lighting, foreground lighting, action? Where's my megaphone?


-Comedy scene-Winners August 2000

First prize-
From: Aloha Cat - alohacat(at)mindspring.com

A. Well, looks like the mayor made good on his new streets and less traffic plan.
B. I don't know. Maybe we should not let him pave his way outta this one!

Second prize-

From: Millard Draudt - milweb(at)bright.net

A. Hey, that's a great idea.
B. Yeah, until it gets up to our floor.

Third prize-

From: Leslie Kaplan - lesliekaplan(at)hotmail.com

A. All this for a pothole!
B. Yes, but it was the mayor who fell in it.

Honorable mention-
From: Aloha Cat - alohacat(at)mindspring.com

A. New Pavement!
B. . . . Over the same problem!

Honorable mention-
From: Phillip W Buchanan - pwb_vbf(at)lycos.com

A. Hmmm, bulldozing the rich part of town. Is this the cities new urban renewal plan?
B. Nah, it's the IRS' new punishment for tax evasion.

Honorable mention-
From: Aaron Gootee - gixxr(at)prodigy.net

B. Well it's about time they fixed these decrepit streets.
A. Yeah but, when the mayor said he was going to redo the streets, to cut down on traffic, I didn't think he meant it literally.


-Comedy scene-Winners September 2000

First prize-
From: Tony and Linda - lindascan(at)xtra.co.nz

A. It's incredible- hunted to the edge of extinction, blue fin tuna have developed the intelligence to escape their hostile environment.

B. I'll get the frying pan.

Second prize-
From: Alex Gorrie - alex_gorrie(at)hotmail.com

A. One small step for minnow...
B. One giant leap for fish-kind.

Third prize-
From: Aloha Cat - alohacat(at)mindspring.com

A. Look Honey, A fish outta water!
B. Well, Dear. Let's just run when we see the SHARK Outta Water!

Honorable mention-
From: Sarah Hankel - SarahH(at)fyiowa.com

A. It's good to see Darwinism is alive and well.
B. Where's Pat Robertson when you need him?

Honorable mention-
From: Kieffer Markley - kmarkleyv(at)picusnet.com

A. Yeah, I'll have an order of sushi with crab mustard.
B. And I'll have the clams casino with a side of seaweed salad.

Honorable mention-
From: Stephen Wondell - svwdmw(at)hotmail.com

A. I hope Walters doesn't inform the EPA that I've been dumping toxins into the ocean.
B. Something tells me that you don't need to worry about Walters.


Comedy scene Oct. 2000Winners October 2000

Text in balloon "A"
The bumper sticker says...

First prize-
From: Tony - tony.deller(at)quintiles.com

A. Save the Dolphins
B. I know they didn't do very good this season, but I thought they were in the Playoffs.

Second prize-
From: Jenny Wolf - jennwolf(at)earthlink.net

A. All men are idiots and I divorced their king.
B. Is that your ex's car?

Third prize-
From: Aloha Cat - alohacat(at)mindspring.com

A. Honk! If you're horny!
B. Oh No, I left my horn at home!

Honorable mention-
From: Rex Muston - rexanator(at)hotmail.com

A. This car brakes for hallucinations.
B. Isn't that funny, our car only breaks for expensive mechanics!

Honorable mention-
From: MMP - bos1to1(at)tiac.net

A. The bumper sticker says.. I'd rather be married.
B. That's not exactly the romantic proposal I dreamed of, but I accept anyway.

Honorable mention-
From: Jimmy Dragon - bunnyfoofoo17(at)hotmail.com

A. GORE 2000
B. Does it matter? Firestones.


Comedy scene Nov. 2000Winners November 2000

Text in balloon (TV speaker).
"World Wrestling Foundation presents, Slam Down and the Rock's revenge."

First prize-
From: RealShady345(at)aol.com

A. What kind of shallow audience would watch men with great bodies prancing around half-naked?!
B. I don't know, honey. Change the channel -- Baywatch is starting.

Second prize-
From: K.C. Seifert - Kicker827(at)aol.com

A. Honey, I didn't know that we got the Adult Channels.
B. We don't, sweetheart.
A. Then why are there two men slapping and chasing each other in colored speedos?
B. Just think of it as an all male ballet.

Third prize-
From: DON.ESPOSITO(at)chase.com

A. Isn't this exciting honey, they're going to decide the 2000 Presidential race tonight!
B. I know, I can't wait to see "Burly" George Bush body slam Al "the Ripper" Gore for the Oval Office!

Honorable mention-
From: John Sweetall - john.sweetall(at)pncbank.com

A. Do we really have to watch this dear?
B. It came down to this or Melrose, I chose the more believable of the two.

Honorable mention-
From: Jpwiederho(at)aol.com

B. Honey can I have the remote now?
A. Touch this remote George and I'll beat you like a red headed stepchild and knock you into tomorrow just to ask you what the lottery numbers are. You know I don't like violence and will be surfing right past this.

Honorable mention-
From: George W. Carstens - t-shirtexpress(at)juno.com

A and B together: Tag? You're it?

Honorable mention-
From: Mike hulse - hulse(at)olypen.com

A. Lets watch this dear.
B. Sure darling; now very slowly hand the remote back to me before you hurt yourself!


Comedy sceneWinners December 2000

First prize-
From: Brian Donahue - brianedonahue(at)hotmail.com

A. Daylight savings foul-up?
B. I guess so.

Second prize-
From: John Cutler - cutlerworld(at)worldnet.att.net

A. My eyes may be getting bad, my mind- a little slow, but I still know how to run a farm! Looks like she's another bumper crop this year, son.
B. Yeah dad, looks great. Only one problem - we grow CORN!!!!!

Third prize-
From: Jpwiederho(at)aol.com

B. Hey Clem, do you see how much bigger this here sun flower is ??
A. Yup !!
B. You don't suppose that has anything to do with this being the spot where I through away them thar Viagra pills that didn\t work do ya ?????

Honorable mention-
From: Brian Donahu - brianedonahue(at)hotmail.com

A. Van Gogh Syndrome?
B. Ever since I painted the barn.

Honorable mention-
From: Mojo7971(at)aol.com

A. That tall one over there, Vern, seems to have taken a liking to ya'!
B. Yep, I'm a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary day.

Honorable mention-
From: George W. Carstens - t-shirtexpress(at)juno.com

B. Hey, Jed, what's that one flower doing pointing in our direction?
A. Oh, that one? That's a sunflower that's been genetically crossbred with corn. It thinks it has ears!


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