Free Forms winner page 2002

Comedy sceneWinners January 2002

First Prize-
From: Dave Gardner - dave6184(at)yahoo.com

B. Let me check my Enron stock with my on-line broker.
A. You may wish to hit Ctrl, Alt, Delete instead.

Second Prize-
From: Kesa matson - kesadilla(at)hotmail.com

A. Fernando, I'm leaving my husband, I must be with you. By the time you get this I'll almost be there.
B. Good Lord!!! I've got ten minutes to move out of my parents basement, find a yacht, and learn Spanish.

Third Prize-
From: Ron Schellenberg - rons(at)shaw.ca

B. Now where's this "any key" I'm supposed to hit?
A. Maybe you could get your preschooler in here for this part.

Honorable mention-
From: Lanealot - lanealot(at)msn.com

B. Oh my goodness, I think I've invented the internet!
A. WWW.ALGORE.COM

Honorable mention-
From: FantasyWorld Films - dkillion(at)cox-internet.com

A. Do you think I can read your mind, as well as download your software, fix your mistakes, run spell and grammar check, play games with you, satisfy your need for companionship, and provide ebay items on a 24-hour-basis? Huh? Don't you know I have feelings too? Why are you sitting there like a blob? Give me a command. I live for them you know! I'm used to the abuse. Come on, Bob. What're you waitin' on? I don't have all day, because you've programmed my power management to boot down in 2 more minutes so on with the show!
B. Geez, I'm sorry! I just thought if I sat here long enough, I might get a message from Meg Ryan.

Honorable mention-
From: Rachel Sutton - AngelicRay(at)email.msn.com

B. Gasp!!! I can't believe you asked me such an intimate question!
A. They don't call me a personal computer for nothing.

Honorable mention-
From: Sharon M. DuBosque - MeadowFairy127greenfields(at)msn.com

A. "Sniff", I used to be your pride & joy! Somehow I feel you're getting involved with a sweet, new Laptop!
B. Oh My! Don't be silly! We just travel together that's all!

Bulldog6D(at)aol.com

A. I can never figure out how to work one of these humans.


Comedy sceneWinners February 2002

First Prize-
From: Joe Seitz - dittoditto212(at)msn.com

A. What's this credit charge to my account?
B. That's for all the parts I had left over after I rebuilt your engine.

Second Prize-
From: Jpwiederho(at)aol.com

A. In your bill here it says you are charging me $10.00 apiece for spark plugs, I can get them at Walmart for about a buck!! what gives??
B. Well doc.. the last bill I got from the hospital you guys were charging me $4.00 apiece for a band aid!! I can get a whole box at Walmart for $1.89 !! Anything else you want to discuss???

Third Prize-

From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

A. Excuse me, I think there is something wrong with this bill.
B. Really, let me see if I can fix it. I'll add it to your bill.

Honorable mention-
From: Mary Thompson - maralt3(at)earthlink.net

B. Sir, please don't hesitate to ask if you have questions about your repair bill.
A. Actually this may be a historic moment. It could be the first time a robbery was committed at wrench point, and the victim actually has to pay for it.

Honorable mention-
From: Richan7(at)aol.com

B. Something wrong sir?
A. Um...12 dollars for tire air change??

Honorable mention-
From: Jpwiederho(at)aol.com

A. Hey!! I thought you put on a new muffler bearing last month???
B. Ah. I did but the sulfur in the fuel we get around here makes them go out a lot faster.
A. Oh , yeah , ah I think I read about that in the paper or something.

Honorable mention-
From: Matt Simpson - bobelmo(at)carolina.rr.com

A. Excuse me, but you have listed here a pack of AA batteries, glue and duct tape?
B. We are trying to cut costs.

Honorable mention-
From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

A. This bill is ridiculous!
B. So is the idea that adding Drano to your engine will make it run cleaner!

Honorable mention-
From: Sharon McKeeman DuBosque - Meadowfairy127greenfields(at)msn.com

A. "Whoa!" Looking at the price of this here bill Cletus, who do you reckon I look like? That Donald Trump or somethin? I ain't rich you know! I'm just hotter than a two dollar pistol over this! My very own cousin charging me a fortune when you done knew I spent every cent I had to git this little beauty!
B. "Aw shucks Clyde", we both know you can't even get a date for the local square dance on Saturday night. So quit yer fumin! Besides, no purdy filly was gonna ride around in this here rattletrap. And where else are ya gonna git mighty fine service for $15.99 huh? I had to raise the price up just a wee bit! My brand of six pack beer went up one whole dollar now! None of y'all in our family appreciates a dang ole thing!

Honorable mention-
From: Ernie - erni9681(at)iavalley.cc.ia.us

A.Why am I being charged for a Big Mac Extra Value Meal?
B. Hey, I got hungry in the middle of working on your car. Mechanics have to eat, you know.


Comedy sceneWinners March 2002

First Prize-
From: S. Michael Kozubek - mkozubek(at)attbi.com

B. Yes, dear, the inventor of the modern toilet.
A. Typical man. He left the seat up.

Second Prize-
From: Darin - darinpark1(at)hotmail.com

A. Daddy, is that Grampa Sparks?
B. Yep. It was his suggestion that enabled the annual tournament to go on when they discovered they didn't have enough horseshoes.

Third Prize-
From: JEFFG7(at)aol.com

B. You see what I mean, Hun, about the inferior intelligence of animals.
A. Yeah, even with that toilet there the birds still poop on his head.

Honorable mention-
From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

B. This is your great-grandfather Smith. He invented the cushioned toilet seat after he got a splinter from this one. He's a hero to many of us.

Honorable mention-
From: Timothy Kohanski - tkohabsk(at)twcny.rr.com

A. Look a toilet.
B. Nice idea but the birds are still going on the benches.

Honorable mention-
From: Joe Seitz - dittoditto212(at)msn.com

A. Is that Harry Potter grandpa?
B. No, that's Harry Potty.

Honorable mention-
From: Milo Hart - Miloh59(at)cs.com

A. OK, so Samuel Johns invented the first porcelain toilet. Was he also a horse shoe pitching champion?
B. No, he was also the first one to leave the seat up.


Comedy sceneWinners April 2002

Situation: the old building the boat in the basement problem. How do you get it out?

First Prize-
From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

B. I know I was suppose to build you a spice rack, but I grabbed the wrong blueprints and this happened.

Second Prize-
From: Joe Seitz - dittoditto212(at)msn.com

A. Have you figured out how to get it outside?
B. Sure. As soon as I'm done building the boat, I'll start on the slip.

Third Prize-
From: Bob Williams - candide_(at)yahoo.com

A. FedEx just dropped off a HUGE package for you.
B. Oh...now how am I going to get that bottle in here?

Honorable mention-
From: Judy Moran - jeffnjudy01(at)msn.com

A. Alright Capt. Hazelwood, now what are you going to do?
B. I'll just fill the basement with water and then catch a southwest wind in the kitchen!!

Honorable mention-
From: Kelly & Eve Hart - kicks41(at)juno.com

A. Honey, there's a bunch of animals upstairs to see you.
B. Send them down two by two. Oh, and pack enough food for forty days and nights.

Honorable mention-
From: Trevor Bartlett - TBartlett(at)porterfulfillment.com

A. So, what happens now?
B. Don't worry darling, I'm going to put it in a bottle.

Honorable mention-
From: Tony Stone - stoneguy(at)bellsouth.net

A. It's bad enough that we have a boat in the basement, but now the mast is in the living room!
B. Oh just put a shade on top of it and tell everyone it's a lamp.


Comedy sceneWinners May 2002

First Prize-
From: jsviolett(at)msn.com

B. Go ahead man, Ask them...
A: Hey, over here. Hi, My friend and I kind'a have a small problem. I don't suppose by any chance you guys have an extra role of TP on that thing do ya?

Second Prize-
From: Rich Schiffer - gratefuldead233(at)hotmail.com

A. They say they're looking for intelligent life here on Earth.
B. Oh that's too bad...we still use Windows.

Third Prize-
From: Michael DePaolo - mike7596(at)tampabay.rr.com

B. Are those the new Double Apple Byte computers?
A. Nope... just interstellar semicircle men with square heads that are analyzing our atmosphere for the most efficient and bloody way to wipe all life off of the planet. But hey, at least it's not another iMac.

Honorable mention-
From: Frank Honzu - Honz5(at)aol.com

A. Good Heavens! What do you think they are, Bob?
B. Rear view mirrors from outer space, Jim..And they're definitely as close as they appear!


Comedy sceneWinners June 2002

First Prize-
From: Kelsy Schneiter - kschneiter(at)cc.usu.edu

A. Honey, what happened to my priceless collection of Queen?
B. (from the other room) - It wasn't priceless, I had to pay the garbage men $20 to take it away.

Second Prize-
From: Frank Honzu - HONZ5(at)aol.com

A. Ethel...Where's my Beetles White collector's album?
B. Oh...You never played that old thing, anyway!..and Martha Stewart showed how to oven heat records and make fruit bowls.

Third Prize-
From: Paul Stadden - ken(at)stadden.com

A. Honey, where's my record of the "All Cat's Chorus" version of Jingle Bells?
B. Must be halfway to the landfill by now.

Honorable mention-
From: Kevin Gianni

A. Honey, whaddya think we get rid of these records and hop into the 21st. century?
B. You should watch what you ask for, Bill... they aren't the only things around here that are getting old, heavy, and take up too much space.

Honorable mention-
From: JBAP8375(at)gc.peachnet.edu

A. Honey, do you think its time for us to get a CD player like everyone else?
B. Oh is the record player not working? Try the 8-track in the den.

Honorable mention-
From: Christine Graham - rodgraham(at)shaw.ca

A. As soon as you're out of the bathroom I'll play you my "Greatest Hits from the Bicycle Horn Ensemble" album...
B. Gee, Stan I'm gonna be awhile. Why don't you start without me.

Honorable mention-
From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

A. Honey I've got a sudden urge to play my old polka records. Is that okay?
B. Sure. I've just got the urge to pack some clothes and drive to a motel.


Comedy sceneWinners July 2002

Situation: the newspaper advertisements are animated just like the banner ads in internet.

First Prize-
From: Diane - me2u7777(at)yahoo.com

A. Didn't they send a special mouse with our paper this morning, dear?
B. No dear, just a bottle of white-out, virus scissors, and form for us to secretly change our name and address.

Second Prize-
From: Andrew Hamilton - hjakeh(at)msn.com

A. Gee, now they have banner ads in newspapers.
B. At least there's no pop-ups.

Third Prize-
From: HONZ5(at)aol.com

B. What's that you're reading, dear?
A. It's a brand new newspaper published by Bill Gates.

Honorable mention-
From: Unknown

B. Honey are you sure we need to get the Microsoft Daily News delivered here every day? It costs $600 a month!
A. Yes but its easier than using the computer and look I still get all the unwanted advertisements.

Honorable mention-
From: Milo Hart - miloh59(at)cs.com

B. So, how do you like my idea of incorporating modern technology with the old fashion feel of newspapers?
A. I like that fine, but I don't know about combining the modern mouse with the traditional one. It seems to have just clicked all the cheese off my omelet.

Honorable mention-
From: Business only - me2u7777(at)yahoo.com

A. George honey, what IS this?
B. I hope you like it dear, you said you've been wanting a laptop and this was the best deal I could find..so..Happy Anniversary!


Comedy sceneWinners August 2002

Situation: there is a fly in the soup.

First Prize-
From: Chris Cary - dlncfc(at)hotmail.com

A. Dear God waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?
B. Well sir I'm not a swimmer myself, but it looks like the back stroke.

Second Prize-
From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

A. Is that a fly in my soup!?
B. Was that a nickel on my tip try?

Third prize-
From: Dan Bornstein - bornstien(at)attbi.com

B. But sir, "mauvais potage" is French for "Crap Soup."

Honorable mention-
From: Milo Hart - Miloh59(at)cs.com

A. Hey, there's a mosquito in my soup.
B. Not to worry sir, his test was negative for West Nile Disease.

Honorable mention-
From: Pastor Toby - copastor(at)hcfaz.org

A. I distinctly remembering ordering chicken soup.
B. Well, that fly looks pretty fearful to me.

Honorable mention-
From: Loren D. Pawlitz - lorendpawlitz(at)hotmail.com

B. What in the world is a fly doing in my soup?
A. Well, I told the cook what you said last time, "that adding anything would be an improvement."

Honorable mention-
From: Brian Phillips - freedom4bri(at)ameritech.net

A. This fly in my soup is unacceptable!
B. Cripes... this IS Guantanamo Bay... how much leeway do you Al Quida want?!!

Honorable mention-
From: Christine Graham - rodgraham(at)shaw.ca

A. Uh waiter ­ what is this fly doing in my soup?
B. I give up...... drowning?


Comedy sceneWinners September 2002

Situation: the old arriving home late excuse.

First Prize-
From: Jane McSorley - jandjmcsorley(at)hotmail.com

A. Whoa, Gladys-Who ya expectin'- that terrorist, Bin Ladin?
B. Nope, just you,"Been Fightin'", " Been Drinkin'", and "Been Wanderin'"

Second Prize-
From: Jerod Grahm - rodgraham(at)shaw.ca

A. Sorry I'm late honey but I can explain. I'm having an affair with my secretary.
B. Bill, you mop floors at McDonalds.

Third Prize-
From: Honz5(at)aol.com

B. All right, Let's Have an explanation!
A. They say Abscence makes the heart grow fonder, and I just wanted to see if it was possible to BE any fonder of You, Sweetheart!

Honorable mention-
From: Mimi Pas de Jeu - djado(at)infinet.net

A. Now dear, don't get upset over nothing. I phoned to say I'd be home my midnight, and see, it's only ten minutes after twelve.
B. Yes, but you phoned in 1997!

Honorable mention-
From: Mike Deffet - DeffetM(at)mcohio.org

A. Uh Hi, honey - um, er, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
B. I don't know about that you louse, but it sure made the fondue grow harder!

Honorable mention-
From: Scott Vasey - scottrobertvasey(at)yahoo.com

A. Making gingerbread cookies again?
B. No, but if that's lipstick on your cheek I might be shoving a little man into the oven.

Honorable mention-
From: Jennifer West - Jennifer.K.West(at)uwsp.edu

A. Hey hun, could you just close the door and go back to bed...I was trying to sneak in quietly.
B. Sure babe, just remember to wash the lipstick off your collar and cover that hickey with a bandaid.  Good night!

Honorable mention-
From: Rich Remick - rjrem(at)clear.lakes.com

A. Whoa! Hi honey. I was going to surprise you in the morning but what the heck, here's my car. Enjoy.


Comedy sceneWinners October 2002

Situation: Aircraft boarding gate.

First Prize-
From: Doug Mortenson - Doug.Mortenson(at)transamerica.com

A. First a stretch model-T limo picks us up and now this...
B. It's not so bad, just don't let them sell you earphones for the in-flight movie, it's silent.

Second Prize-
From: Wayne E. Scott - Humorbear(at)aol.com

A. How much extra for first class on this one?
B. I believe it's either a sack of spuds or a crate of chickens.

Third Prize-
From: Christine Graham - rodgraham(at)shaw.ca

A. This is my first time flying with "Air Afford". Do we get snacks?
B. Nopejust parachutes and transponders.

Honorable mention-
From: Edward_Lee(at)dot.ca.gov

A. I hear the guy from the Subway sandwich commercials is on the plane.
B. He is. He's at the back of the plane and he's no longer on his diet.

Honorable mention-
From: Jpwiederho(at)aol.com

A. Ulp!! the last Ford I rode in the motor quit!!
B. This must be your lucky day, this ones got three.

Honorable mention-
From: Tris - tlegacy(at)carolina.rr.com

A. These airline tickets sure were cheap Bill.
B. I know Fred, but Titanic Airlines said that cheap tickets were just the tip of the iceberg...

Honorable mention-
From: Ron R. Reese - siphon(at)juno.com

A. Looks like this flight is gonna be a rough one.
B. Yeah, they already got the cabin at 45 degrees, and we ain't even had takeoff!

Honorable mention-
From: Damon Lamont Sanders - sanderdl(at)nemesis.co.forsyth.nc.us

A. The attendant called for "final boarding," but this is ridiculous.
B. Yes, I think I'll catch the next one.


Comedy SceneWinners November 2002

First Prize-
From: Damon Lamont Sanders - sanderdl(at)nemesis.co.forsyth.nc.us

A. All the pilot asked was for you to put your tray up, seat in the upright position, and turn your electronic devices off... and you couldn't do that!
B. Funny, the last thing I heard was, "You have mail."

Second Prize-
From: rbmaness(at)cableone.net

A. How do you find water in the desert?
B. Find me an outlet, and I'll "ask jeeves."

Third Prize-
From: Fraser, Suzy - suzy(at)vicinity.com

A. Sheesh, No transportation, blazing sun, scorpions, and no water. It doesn't get any worse than this.
B. Wrong, Ralphie. No email!!!!

Honorable mention-
From: anthony - stoneguy(at)bellsouth.net

A Well, that's the last of the water!
B Water?! You're worried about water?! Do you realize we have no way to get a DSL connection out here!

Honorable mention-
From: Edward_Lee(at)dot.ca.gov

A. Do you think you can download us some water mister hotshot computer man??
B. Sure, just as soon as you transform into a wall outlet smarty pants!!!!!!!


Comedy SceneWinners December 2002

First Prize-
From: Edward_Lee(at)dot.ca.gov

A. I don't understand. We have to go really fast to leave the atmosphere.
B. He's not buying it. He said we should have left earlier to allow ourselves more time.

Second Prize-
From: D Carey - DCarey(at)whsmithnet.co.uk

A. It's not us officer!
B. Yeah it's the blue lorry behind that's got the illegal aliens crammed in the back!

Third Prize-
From: Howard Levine - Howard(at)valleyspinecenter.com

A. Why are we getting a ticket?
B. Apparently, the Dorkon finger greeting lost something in the translation!

Honorable mention-
From: Jeff Satterlee - alex542(at)emailuser.net

A. This racial profiling has got to stop!
B. At least we can get scholarships.

Honorable mention-
From: Joseph Luca - joseph_luca(at)hotmail.com

B. These earthlings are really stupid. He just asked me if I knew the reason why he pulled me over.

Honorable mention-
From: Kenny Hendricks - kenbone975(at)yahoo.com

A. I told you that earth police with ticket you for just about anything.
B. I heard what you said, but I didn't think that they would ticket me for an illegal "gyro action".


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