Free Forms - Comedy writing contest

Free Forms winner page 2003

Comedy scene Winners January 2003

First Prize-
From: Roger Hudson - roger-hudson(at)supanet.com

B. Hold back, Marmaduke......
A. Get lost, Montmorency, you'll be telling me next that it's a Weapon of Mouse Destruction.

Second Prize-
From: Jeff Satterlee - alex542(at)emailuser.net

A. Hey dad, look what the cat left us!
B. Son, could you remind me again why I am leaving you the family business?

Third Prize-
From: Aloha Cat - alohacat(at)mindspring.com

A. Oh, yummy yummy.
B. No, dummy dummy!

Honorable mention-
From: HONZ5(at)aol.com

A. Lemme at it! Lemme at it!
B. Hold it Earl!..Don't forget rule 46 in The Rodent's Survival Handbook.. "If it looks like cheese..and it smells like cheese..It's probably a trap!"

Honorable mention-
From: Gloria Hallberg ghallberg(at)hotmail.com

A. Cheese!
B. Stop, we're lactose intolerant!

Honorable mention-
From: Kena - kena(at)punkeeshill.com

A. CHEESE!!!
B. Hold on somethings not right here, theres no macaroni!

Honorable mention-
Damon Lamont Sanders - sanderdl(at)nemesis.co.forsyth.nc.us

A. Lemme at it! What's not to like?
B. The name for starters... 'One-Stop-Pop-And-Drop Cheese Dispensers

Honorable mention-
From: Cynthia Milenkovich - MRM23CLM(at)aol.com

A. Come on, Charlie, it's fresh Gorgonzola!
B. Show some restraint, Fred. The presentation stinks.

Honorable mention-
From: Steve Kreyer - Steve.Kreyer(at)veeco.com

A. The spring. THE SPRING!!!
B. Rat poison taste good, the cat is our friend, we can swim to Bermuda and now this!

Comedy scene Winners February 2003
The restaurant table is being used as free office space and is filled with the clients belongings.

First Prize-
From: Lex Kase - lexkase(at)san.rr.com

A. Pleaze, Monsier, zees eez so rude of you
B. A French waiter calling someone rude. That's rich.

Second Prize-
From: Paul Surrette - mabear3(at)hotmail.com

B. Do you have DSL here?
A. Probably, how would you like that served?

Third Prize-
From: Tom and Nancy Clark - clarx(at)shore.net

A. Can I interest sir in the three-course luncheon special?
B. No thanks, I'll just grab a quick bite at my desk.

Honorable mention-
From: Faith Jacobsen - jacobsenf(at)byui.edu

A. Sir, you've been here for seven hours!
B. I ordered the all you can eat shrimp and I'm NOT DONE yet.

Honorable mention-
From: Mark W. - amc(at)joink.com

A. Sir, you've been here 30 minutes and I'll have to insist that you order something.
B. How did you get past the receptionist?

Honorable mention-
From: Joe McCutcheon - gesungheit(at)hotmail.com

A. (sarcastically) "Is there a problem, sir?"
B. (apologetically) "No, no, the menu is fine. I just need to see a copy of your 'Terms and Conditions'."

Honorable mention-
From: Ilene Kolbe - ilenekolbe(at)hotmail.com

B. Sir, your 10:00 is waiting in the lobby. Should I tell him that you are available?
A. No, just tell him to wait in the bar and I will vibrate him in 5 minutes.

Honorable mention-
From: Leo - LeofromKY(at)webtv.net

B. Coffee, cream, no sugar.
A. Coffee canceled. Delete your seat.

Winners March 2003
Bad timing.

First Prize-
From: Joseph Luca - joseph_luca(at)hotmail.com

A. Squawk Who's your daddy, naughty girl, naughty girl Squawk.
B2. Ummmmm, did I mention that prior to adopting Polly, she lived in a children's day care center?
A. Squawk Out of Viagra, out of Viagra Squawk
B1. And I suppose prior to that she lived in a Pharmacy!!

Second Prize-
From: Michael and Marion Harris - maid2marion(at)hotmail.com

A. Please leave your message after the tone. BEEEEEP. Hi, Steve - it's Karen. Thanks for dinner the other night, and yeah I am free next weekend. I hope your neice's nativity play goes well tonight, love you, bye.
B2. Ahaaha, that was just my er Mum. I mean sister!! No, neice, yeah my neice.........NO! I mean, er, stop making up answerphone messages you stupid parrot!!.............ESPECIALLY ones from Karen!

Third Prize-
From: Amy Jo Searle - wsearle(at)jam.rr.com

A. Mrs. Jackson! He's got his arm around her! squawk I think he's going to make his move!
B1. WHEN exactly are you moving out of your mother's house?

Honorable mention-
From: Kelly Jones - joneses(at)hotmail.com

A. Awk, Ohhhhhh, Jessi, yourrrrr beautiful!
B1. And just WHO is Jessi, may I ask?!

Comedy scene Winners April 2003
The man has a French Fry in his hand.

First Prize-
From: Joseph Luca - joseph_luca(at)hotmail.com

B. Ever since the Iraq war started you specifically said you were going to boycot anything "French".
A. What are you talking about, these are McFries.

Second Prize-
From: James Schultz - scrappy1(at)telus.net

B. You know very well about the French Fry boycott, dear.
A. Really, and what about that "Oui Oui" stain of wine on your lips, my sweet Sherry.

Third Prize-
From: Daniel Gulla - dgla24(at)yahoo.com

A. Do your fries taste a little too "oily", because.....
B. YOUR GOING TO EAT YOUR FREEDOM FRIES AND LIKE'EM! UNDERSTOOD?

Honorable mention-
From: Jay - jay(at)98pxy.com

A. Emmm! These Baghdad Fries are the best!
B. Were gonna miss our shuttle to Disney/Basrah cause of these fries you idiot!

Honorable mention-
From: Riley Campbell - Gorlitz(at)aol.com

A. You don't have to call them FREEDOM FRIES because you are mad at the French.
B. That is it. I am going to have a security resolution drawn up from the rest of the family.
A. I hate CNN.

Honorable mention-
From: Chris R. York - m-i-2-cool(at)juno.com

B. Blech!! That is so gross!!
A. What? All it did was fall on the floor.

Comedy scene Winners May 2003

First Prize-
From: Charla Hyde Jeffries - c-hyde(at)northwestern.edu

A. What's the matter with Jim?
B. Sheryl told him to turn his frown upside down. What a pigeon-brain.

Second Prize-
From: Suzi Kirby - suzik(at)ntelos.net

B. I warned her not to get a pedicure!
A. It's that hot wax they use to make your feet soft. She can't get any traction.

Third Prize-
From: Lakota1965(at)aol.com

A. What's wrong with that bird?
B. Oh nothing, he just flew in from Australia!

Honorable mention-
From: Daniel Guilla - dgla24(at)yahoo.com

B. Is he demonstrating one of Newton's laws that I'm not familiar with?
A. I don't know but he won't get a good aim at those clean cars coming.

Honorable mention-
From: Chin, Belky R. - BRCHIN(at)PARTNERS.ORG

A. What's wrong with him?
B. I think he woke up on the wrong side of the wire.

Honorable mention-
From: Jim Biller - millerja(at)rtccom.net

A. What's a matter Rockin' Robin?
B. Good thing that's not Droppings Darrell!

Honorable mention-
From: Dan Davis - davisdan(at)chacousa.com

A. Hey buddy you aren't supposed to do that upside down.
B. That's gonna itch when it dries.

Comedy scene Winners June 2003

First Prize-
From: Suzi Kirby - suzik(at)ntelos.net

A. Well, Winston, ole man, how do you bloody like the bloody changing face of time?
B. I don't bloody like it at all, but it does cut through the bloody fog like Rudolph's bloody nose!"
A. You're bloody well right about that!

Second Prize-
From: Ryan Bonnick - ryanbonnick(at)hotmail.com

A. Did you notice anything different about our Historic National Monument?
B. Yeah, it's 2 minutes slow!

Third Prize-
From: Jim Miller - millerja(at)rtccom.net

A. Look at the clock's new numbering system.
B. The Roman's are NOT going to like this!

Honorable mention-
From: Dustin Chafin - NYCjester(at)aol.com

A. Nobody cares about classic architecture.
B. I don't care about that.. I'm just waiting for the temperature.

Honorable mention-
From: Dolynchmob(at)aol.com

A. To make Big Ben digital because one American can't tell time is a bit extreme don't you think?
B. Well he is their president.
A. I suppose.

Honorable mention-
From: Michael J. Bannasch - mjbannasch(at)ucdavis.edu

A. Thank goodness! I thought that thing was gonna flash "12:00" for the rest of eternity! How'd he finally do it?
B. Clever bloke, he invited the elementary school to come on a field trip and had one of the second graders set it.

Honorable mention-
From: Jason Hiatt - jasondavidhiatt(at)hotmail.com

A. How in the world could they do that?
B. With a very, very large battery!

Comedy scene Winners July 2003

Text on image:
The year: 8499
Two archaeologists unearth yet another of those strange beige objects with long tails.

First Prize-
From: Dustin Chafin - NYCjester(at)aol.com

A. Before the eyeball computer one had to operate a computer by clicking this device with one finger.
B. How primitive..and we complain about having to blink 3 times to connect to AOL.

Second Prize-
From: Max G. Greenshields - gree21(at)fsuimail.ferris.edu

B. I wonder what these were used for?
A. My guess is reproduction, considering all the traces male DNA we have found on these things.

Third Prize-
From: Doug Stough - dstough2(at)earthlink.net

A. What on earth do you figure this darn thing is?
B. I have absolutely know idea. Let's jet pack back to the lab and run a computer analyses.

Honorable mention-
From: JLYNCH919(at)aol.com

A. Dude your getting a Dell.
B. It's almost the 86th. century, don't you think that joke is a little old.

Honorable mention-
From: Tim McDevitt - TMcDevitt(at)cantor.com

A. Lewis...it appears to be another one of those hand-controlled pointer devices used on those ancient information boxes around the turn of the twenty-first century.
B. Indeed Clark...Indeed. Not as old as those devices from the Atarific or Intellivisnic age.....but closer to that of the Windownic era.......probably just before the start of the Gates Wars.

Honorable mention-
From: Aloha Cat - alohacat(at)mindspring.com

A. Well it has a tail, but no eyes!?
B. Maybe something else served as a sort of monitor!

Honorable mention-
From: JLYNCH919(at)aol.com

A. Now that we found the final piece of the 21st century home computer, we can recreate man's experience with it. According to my field manual, they spent about 5 hours daily looking at naked women.
B. And my father said I would never do anything with an archeology degree.

Comedy scene Winners August 2003

First Prize-
From: Suzi Kirby - suzik(at)ntelos.net

B. What shall we report back to Ramular?
A. That we have nothing to worry about.

Second Prize-
From: Robbie Bossert - Bozlo1999(at)aol.com

A. Do we really need to probe them?
B. Yes. We need to know what makes their feet so big.

Third Prize-
From: David Lignell - liggyon(at)sunflower.com

A. Look, Zorg. They do nothing and rise, then meander and decline.
B. Yes, Blotz, Earthings call it a political party.

Honorable mention-
From: Daniel Botoms - dabottoms(at)earthlink.net

A. I cant find the meaning of #+**&%!! in the language interpreter
B. Check under the term FREAKIN SNOWBOARDER!! they keep yelling that at us too.

Honorable mention-
From: Michael Akin - michaelshaneakin(at)yahoo.com

A. Wow, you're right! It is a human hamster wheel.
B. See... I told you this would be funnier than wasting our aeons away cruising the same ol' galaxy again.

Honorable mention-
From: Dan Lynch - Dolynchmob(at)aol.com

A. We finally made it all the way to Earth, and we find out it's all a big lie. This will break the hearts of everyone in our galaxy.
B. You're right Yorgon, this doesn't look anything like "Baywatch."

Comedy scene Winners September 2003

First Prize-
From: Suzi Kirby - suzik(at)ntelos.net

A. Well, what are we going to do now?!
B. I don't know...I usually "Ask Jeeves".

Second Prize-
From: Jon Gopal - six3r(at)yahoo.com

A. No H-2-O!
B. No C-O-M P-O-R-T!

Third Prize-
From: Dan Lynch - Dolynchmob(at)aol.com

A. I told you not to invest in that airline while flying.
B. I forgot my stocks always crash.

Honorable mention-
From: Sandy Wienholt - sandywien06(at)yahoo.com

A. Charles! Did you drink my water?
B. Of course not! I fed it to the wildebeest... he looked a little dehydrated.

Comedy scene Winners October 2003

First Prize-
From: Tim Dilley - dzugu(at)hotmail.com

A. What does YOUR machine do?
B. It electrocutes anyone handling an unpatended replica of itself.

Second Prize-
From: Jpwiederho(at)aol.com

A. Actually my great grandfather started on this idea many years ago.
B. Mine did too!!! Are you an Edison???

Third Prize-
From: Ryan Bonnick - ryanbonnick(at)hotmail.com

A. Yeah, ahem, I just invented it - I call it the Barbarella2000. Anywhoo, I'm up next, see you later, Mr.....??
B. Barbarella. Tony Barbarella.

Honorable mention-
From: Gary Cheski - garyc_(at)hotmail.com

A. Okay, top this: an MP3 player that holds 100 million songs.
B. Done. Ours hold 200 million and has a built-in police scanner so you can listen to the FBI coming to arrest you for illegal downloads.

Honorable mention-
From: SOlson(at)tampalawfirm.com

B. That looks like a copy of my invention!
A. No, it only toasts one side of the bread.

Honorable mention-
From: Don - despsito(at)fpcorp.com

A. I hope that's not what I think it is!
B. Just relax fella, your memory should be erased just about ... NOW!

Honorable mention-
From: Suzi Kirby - suzik(at)ntelos.net

A. This little baby turns water into wine.
B. That's been done already!

Comedy scene Winners November 2003

Text on door:
"State of California office of the GOVERNATOR".

First Prize-
From: David Baker - d.baker84(at)verizon.net

A. Is he in?
B. No, but he said he'll be back.

Second Prize-
From: Steven Joel - allzlozt1(at)comcast.net

A. So, any luck on the school lunch program funding?
B. Nope but I scored 18 Million in private health club aid.

Third Prize-
From: Michael Akin - michaelshaneakin(at)yahoo.com

A. Hey did you get that new role you were trying out for?
B. No. They said I have to much of a "Gray Davis" feel about me.

Honorable mention-
From: Dolynchmob(at)aol.com

A. Bill, you're the chief economist, why do I have to brief him on the budget deficit.
B. Dave, we've been over this... It's because you're the one wearing the bullet-proof jacket. Now go get'em tiger.

Honorable mention-
From: Ryan Bonnick - ryanbonnick(at)hotmail.com

B. Are you with the new economic recovery team?
A. Ah, no, I'm getting an autographed photo for my daughter. I'll only be a second.

Comedy scene Winners December 2003

First Prize-
From: Steve - allzlozt1(at)comcast.net

A. This is why they come?
B. Apparently its their sole interest in the planet.

Second Prize-
From: Edward Huizinga - Edward.Huizinga(at)transamerica.com

A. This is the last time we go non-Catholic.
B. Yes dear, but he's doing pretty well.

Third Prize-
From: Randy Hansen - johnnierandall(at)msn.com

A. Now I know why they abduct little blue haired old ladies.
B. Yeah, just so they can claim their seats!

Honorable mention-
From: Nick Cooper - alarm700(at)msn.com

A. That's the third game he's won in a row!
B. ET go home... please go home!

Honorable mention-
From: Ryan Bonnick - ryanbonnick(at)hotmail.com

A. He won again?? Are these chips even worth anything where he's from??
B. I don't think so. I think he's just using them to sketch out a new crop circle pattern.

Honorable mention-
From: John Manasselian - jmanasselian(at)yahoo.com

A. Marge, I don't know where you find your friends but they all seem to love BINGO. This one sure looks like a loser!
B. Now Ralph, I told you this one is different. Please give him a chance. He travelled a long way and I had to bring him with us to BINGO night because he told me where he comes from BINGO is illegal!

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