Free Forms winner page 1999

-Comedy scene-Winners January 1999

Text on the poster:
ON SALE HERE - Year 2000 fix-it spray

First Prize-

From: Dan Simmons - DanS(at)formway.co.nz

B. What does the fine print say?
A. Expires Jan 1st 1900

Second Prize-
From: Robert Trunkey - rtrunkey(at)hotmail.com

B. Year 2000 Fix-it Spray in a can?
A. Sound like hot air to me!

Third Prize-
From: Greg - webling(at)earthlink.net

A. They're gonna fix everything with can of compressed gas?
B. Must've been inspired by your mother.

Honorable mention-
From: Brad Broughton - bbrough(at)flash.net

A. Look honey, we can just spray the Y2K bug out of our computer.
B. Hmm, guess that means the government will have it's computers fixed by the year 3000.


-Comedy scene-Winners February 1999

First Prize -
From: Dan Barry - dpbarry(at)ucdavis.edu

A. Well Jim, we're out of water. Nothing to look forward to now except slowly wasting away until death.

B. You call that suffering? I haven't logged on in half an hour!

Second Prize -

From: HOON4VR(at)aol.com

B. Did you find anything to drink?

A. No, but I found an e-mail in a bottle!

Third Prize -

From: John Burca - jburca(at)earthlink.net

A. Shoot, we're out of water!

B. Shoot, we're out of outlets!

Honorable mention-
From: Revi Moss - mosko(at)attcanada.net

A. Hey Bill, did you really think you could drink this cheap vodka, fly the plane and cyberchat all at the same time?

B. Listen, Jobbs, give me a break! If I can't control the computer industry, handle my alcohol and dominate the air ways, then what kind of man am I?


-Comedy scene-Winners March 1999

First Prize -
From: Larissa - labarry(at)ucsd.edu

B. What the heck does that mean???

A. I don't know honey, but it looks like we may be headed into L.A.

Second Prize -
From: ProdigyMP3(at)aol.com

A. Finally! that road sign will complete my collection, let's stop.

B. Jim, I've been married to you for 3 years now, and I have a confession, I am with the California State road sign theft department, and your under arrest.

Third Prize -
From: Bob Lagimodiere - lagimodr(at)cadvision.com

A. I was sure highway ? was just past the intersection of (at) and #.

B. I told you we should have turned left instead of right at <> boulevard. Now go back to \ street so we can ask for directions.

Honorable mention-
From: Dan Barry - dpbarry(at)ucdavis.edu

B. "!"

A. I only asked if you'd read that sign to me. There's no need to shout.

Honorable mention-
From: Mike Davidson - medav(at)sprint.ca

A. Honey, what does that sign mean?

B. I don't know but it sure is exclamatory!!!


-Comedy scene-Winners April 1999

First Prize -
From: Dan Barry - dpbarry(at)ucdavis.edu

A. Don't try to stick me with some run-down piece of junk. I want a car that wasn't abused by its former owners. One that will give me years of reliable service. One that isn't too flashy. Just something to get me to work and back. Something which belonged to a little old lady who only drove it to the market on Sunday.

B: My friend, you are in luck. This one just came in this morning. . . .

Second Prize -
From: Bob Lagimodiere - lagimodr(at)cadvision.com

B. WOW, is this ever in nice shape!

A. Well it should be. It was driven by an old bat once a week at 8:00 p.m eastern, 7:00 p.m. central time on most ABC stations.

Third Prize -
From: Mike Talbert - mketal(at)yahoo.com

A. So, what is the asking price again now?

B. Well, I am giving you a discount, 70,000... mask not included.

Honorable mention-
From: S. D. - shadow62(at)webtv.net

A. What about this dent in the fender?

B. Oh... the original owner ran into some "Joker" on the expressway!!!!


-SORRY NOW WINNER-Sorry! no winners for the month of May.

The same cartoon used for May will be carried over into June.

Please try again.


-Comedy scene-Winners June 1999

Text at top of drawing:
The year: 8499
Two archaeologists unearth yet another of those strange beige objects with long tails.

First prize -
From: Dan Barry - dpbarry(at)ucdavis.edu

A. We always find so many of these at each dig. I wonder what it is.

B. Obviously it was some kind of icon to our ancestors. I can picture them now, whiling away their days in mindless worship of this thing, using it in some sort of ritualistic activity. Or, I suppose, it could have simply been some kind of primitive computer peripheral.

Second prize -
From: Scott Hillstrom - scotth(at)ameritrain.com

A. What do think killed this one?

B. All that y2k stuff we keep finding must've been a large meteor that hit.


Winners July 1999

Sign on the door: Patent Office

First prize -
From: Aaron Gootee - Gixxr(at)Prodigy.net

A. .......thus transferring the molecular molecules into sub particles.

B. Mine just makes coffee.

Second prize -
From: BRAISCO(at)aol.com

A. Amazing we came up with the same device. I always wanted to invent something for the betterment of mankind.

B. Not me. I was just trying to rig something to get free HBO.

Third prize -
From: Jason Tanamor - jaytanamor(at)yahoo.com

A. It's the new wave in telecommunications. Video conferencing.

B. So, let me get this straight, we pull until the string gets tight, and I can see you.

Honorable mention-
From: Colleen A. Kelley - Rascal43(at)aol.com

A. Mine is the latest in high tech kitchen gadgetry.

B. Yes, but is it Y2K compatible, like mine is.


-Comedy scene-Winners August 1999

First Prize -
From: Jeffery E. Kitchell - jekitchell(at)caltel.com

A. You know, I can't get used to that beep either.

Second Prize -
From: Aaron Gootee - Gixxr(at)Prodigy.net

A. Ya know Reginal, I kind of miss old clock?
B. Yeah, but the old clock wasn't submersible to 300 meters!...

Third Prize -
From: Citizen X - mwmz(at)erols.com

A. First the Euro Dollar, now this.
B. And it's not even Y2K compliant.

Honorable mention-
From: David Ledden - ledden(at)ccp.com

A. I see that the Japanese have finally purchased Big Ben!
B. Yeah, a digital read out! But you would have thought they'd make it smaller!


-Comedy scene-Winner September 1999

First Prize -
From: Lori and Burt - LL774(at)aol.com

A. Yes!!!! They have cheese on their salad bar.
B. Hold on! Why would a place called, Kitty's all-you-can-eat only serve cheese on their buffet?

Second Prize -
From: Carla Swanson-Riehl - riehldeal(at)earthlink.net

B. For God's sake, man, do you not remember what I told you about seeing the forest through the trees.
A. Yeah, Einstein, I was just about to flip that trap over, causing it to snap, so as to free that piece of cheese right there, seeing as we haven't eaten in three days; but no, you're more worried about forests and trees and why a chair is a chair and not a table.

Third Prize -
From: Stickgrl77(at)aol.com

A. Just lemme have the cheese, Bob!
B. Agnes, remember? (sigh) Your lactose intolerance always gets you into trouble.

Honorable mention -
From: PMorri5044(at)aol.com

A. This is so romantic, we're all alone, your wife is away...
B. Wait.... How come she didn't leave dinner in the regular china? I think she is starting to get suspicious.

Honorable mention -
From: Brian Carberry - JBCar1996(at)aol.com

A. Great! I'll fix this for dinner.
B. Hold it right there! No way is this metal serving device microwave compatible...

Honorable mention -
From: Hernan Perez Duran - hernanp(at)bunde.tolinet.com.co

A. Que delicia...!!!!!
B. No lo toques....es el regalo para mi suegra.


-Comedy scene-Winners October 1999

First Prize -
From: Andrew Nelsen - atnelsen(at)mindspring.com

B. What do you think they're doing?
A. I don't know. Let's just take the purple one at the top and get out of here.

Second Prize -
From: DON.ESPOSITO(at)chase.com

A. Unbelievable!
B. I agree. Much more advanced than we thought. Imagine the thirst for knowledge it takes to mindlessly go up and down a hill on sticks over and over again just to document the outcome!

Third Prize -
From: Mike Land - sland(at)mindspring.com

A. Isn't that Warren Beatty?
B. Come on Zylog we're in Aspen, that's obviously George Hamilton.

Honorable mention -
From: Scott Schenck - schensi(at)mindspring.com

A. Just go over there... They aren't looking.
B. I can't believe we traveled 5 lightyears and you are making me go behind some trees!

Honorable mention -
From: Angela Morgan - babee_jinx98(at)yahoo.com

A. We've solved the mystery of our planet X-Brad, We now know why they are constantly searching for intelligent life on other planets.
B. Contact our home planet X-Don and tell them there will be no need for the mind probe on this species.


-Comedy scene-Winners November 1999

First Prize -
From: Bob Brabant - cen67239(at)centurytel.net

A. More bad luck, my insurance policy has expired!
B. Even more bad luck, you didn't grab the pooper scooper!

Second Prize -
From: Bruce H. Merrill - bmer(at)together.net

A. Hey Ralph someone else is trapped on a deserted island too, Hey and his dog is named Ralph also, what are the chances of that?
B. 1 Billion creatures in this world and I chose MAN as my best friend!

Third Prize -
From: Steven DiMarco - sd1957(at)eznet.net

A. I'm going to put this note into the bottle and pray it makes it back to shore. I hope I didn't forget anything.
B. Did you remember to send out a big thanks to the guy who fixed that small hole in the bottom of the boat last week.

Honorable mention -
From: Gary Cheski - garyc_(at)hotmail.com

A. I see the problem now! The boat operating instructions are continued on the other side of the page, and it says "Do not remove the plug on the bottom of the boat while on water".
B. And I'm the one who drinks out of the toilet!

Honorable mention -
Lindsey Letang - lindsey_letang(at)hotmail.com

A. It says here, send to 10 people in the next 24 hours or dye a desolate, deserted death.
B. *#^!*# Chain letters!

Honorable mention -
From: Dalia Vidor - daliav(at)pacbell.net

A. We need to send our own message, but this paper's been used. What are we going to write on?
B. Bark!


-Comedy scene-Winners December 1999

First Prize -
From: Mark Hauger - mark_hauger(at)hotmail.com

A. Honey, I spent the last 8 horrible hours aboard a flying saucer. Do you believe in alien abductions?
B. Yes, but I'm surprised to learn the aliens serve Jack Daniels and wear Channel #5.

Second Prize -
From: Taffy - vigilant(at)excelonline.com

B. And just where have you been?
A. Well, for crying out loud, there's the rolling pin!

Third Prize -
From: Jack Cleary - jackc(at)cybertours.com

A. Would you believe these are the keys to your NEW MERCEDES?
B. Sure, would you believe I just happen to be baking a pie?

Honorable mention -
From: Bill Dougherty - billd(at)tellus.com

A. Hey Hon, Glad Tidings of Comfort and Joy?
B. Try, "Fall on your knees!" or you just might hear the angels' voices!

Honorable mention -
From: Thelma Redmond - THELMA_R(at)email.msn.com

A. Honey I'm sorry that I'm late, but I was sleep walking and abducted by an Alien. We talked and had something to eat, then they brought me home by space ship and dropped me off at the door. We talked about you the whole time. I love you honey!!!!!!
B. I understand. Now bring your lying butt in here and give me the keys, so I can use this rolling pin to wake you up. Then we can discuss the real reason you are late. By the way Dear, I love you too.


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